Book Review: Reclaiming Conversation, The Power of Talk in a Digital Age
The Impact of Technology and Implications for Ministry
In her book, Reclaiming Conversation, The Power of Talk in a Digital Age, Sherry Turkle argues that technology has changed our relationships with ourselves, others, and the world around us. She pulls back the curtain on what all of us suspect, but are afraid to admit: technology is not neutral. Turkle implores us, “Remember the power of your phone. It’s not an accessory. It’s a psychologically potent device that changes not just what you do but who you are” (Turkle, 319). Her book, packed with research, conversations and observation from years in this field, walks through the impact of technology on our relationships and the negative ramifications of our unexamined embrace. Turkle’s thesis though, is that all hope is not lost. With intentionality and a commitment to making space for conversation, we can reclaim what our willing enslavement to technology has taken from us. In fact, her plea for self-reflection and embodied interaction is music to the ears of those who would see this as an opportunity for gospel engagement and witness.
Turkle sets the direction for her book by using the imagery of the three chairs as described by Henry David Thoreau. She envisions these as three kinds of conversations. “One-chair conversations” are those of solitude. “Solitude does not necessarily mean being alone. It is a state of conscious retreat, a gathering of the self” (46). When you know who you are, you are able to engage with others without looking to them for a sense of self. Turkle envisions “two-chair conversations” as those that we have with friends, family, and romantic partners. “Three-chair conversations” move into the world around us, engaging our places of work, school, and the public square. She adds a “fourth-chair conversation,” bringing in the dark-side of artificial intelligence and she ponders the implications of times that “we are tempted to talk not only through machines but to them, with others” (51). Each of these relationships has been impacted by technology, changing their nature and, according to Turkle, doing harm.
Technology and Self
There are several ways that technology has impacted our relationship with ourselves. Turkle notes that we no longer have the capacity for solitude and self-reflection. We experience anxiety at the thought of being “unplugged.” Since connection is always an option, people don’t know what to do with time alone. Turkle says, “We have convinced ourselves that surfing the web is the same as daydreaming. That it provides us the same space for self-reflection. It doesn’t” (25). This is a profound acknowledgment. Though we may spend hours lost in the internet by ourselves, it is not the same as quiet, uninterrupted space to think and reflect. Much research has shown that creativity and imagination flourish when the mind is allowed to wander. But the internet, and the devices on which we engage it, do not allow that kind of free-thinking space. Their main purpose and design is to grab our attention and keep it.
Another way in which we’ve been impacted by technology is in our struggle to know ourselves. In one sense, we are who our apps and algorithms tell us we are. Turkle highlights the rise of technology that appears to remove the need for self-reflection by providing more efficient feedback. There are apps that analyze words in your journal and diagnose your mental health. She says that these are “certified as the ‘real you’ because they are based on what is measurable about your behavior, your ‘output.’ They are served up as your quantified or algorithmic self” (81). While devices like Fitbits and Apple watches are fantastic for health records, they create real danger when we begin to interact with them to provide our identity and determine our value. We can subtly begin to “develop a view of ourselves (body and mind) that is tied to what measurements tell us” (89).
Technology and Others
Some of Turkle’s greatest cautionary tales are found in the section related to the two-chair conversations. Here she unpacks her concerns for family, friendships, and romantic relationships. So often we are together physically, but our phones have taken us a million miles away to conversations with other people or “friction-free” worlds. One of her continual assertions is that this generation is afraid to interact with people in the flesh. She says, “Real people, with their unpredictable ways, can seem difficult to contend with after one has spent a stretch in simulation” (7). Online we have the opportunity to edit ourselves. She tells of an Ivy League student who only corresponds with his professors via email, afraid that “if he sees his professors in person, he could get something ‘wrong’” (54). He fears that if he is forced to talk in person, he is likely to make a slip. This digital age is training us to have no tolerance for risk in relationships. It is true that we might make a mistake or hurt someone’s feelings, but that is the price of intimacy and true relationships, and it is far better than a protected life. The internet and social media, “Instead of promoting the value of authenticity, encourages performance. Instead of teaching the rewards of vulnerability, it suggests you put on your best face” (109).
An important aspect of Turkle’s research, and one of the biggest questions she explored, was related to the impact of technology on a person’s capacity for empathy. Her findings, and those of others, are disheartening. So often when a person’s phone is out, their eyes are down. We are not engaging the faces of those with whom we are in proximity, and we don’t have to see the reactions of those we talk to online. The “always-on” life most certainly erodes our capacity for empathy. One study found a “40 percent drop in empathy among college students in the past twenty years...due to students having less direct face-to-face contact with each other” (171). Students expressed how technology made “emotions easier” (41) And those involved in romantic relationships could simply walk away or disengage when it didn’t suit them anymore. With sadness, Turkle notes, “We don’t have to apologize to each other; we can type, “I’m sorry.” And hit send” (32). Empathy is not simply saying the right words, “Empathy means staying long enough for someone to believe that you want to know how they feel… Empathy requires time and emotional discipline” (173). This is something that we are quickly losing in this digital age.
Technology and Culture
Turkle’s exploration of the “three-chair conversation” stepped into the realm of education, the workplace, and the public square. Not surprisingly the impact of technology was also felt there. Educators feel the burden of competing with screens in the classroom. Students complain of being bored and teachers seek to provide more stimuli, all of which leads to the inability to think deeply and follow complex arguments (221). Doctors no longer build their own database of information, but outsource their knowledge base and depend on information at their fingertips (224). A stage director describes well the selfishness that technology has engendered among actors who used to watch one another rehearse. She says, “if things don’t seem relevant to them, people claim ‘boredom’ and go on their phones...They don’t allow themselves to see things that don’t connect to them as relevant to them” (263).
While doing work or engaging in politics in person often seems inefficient, Turkle emphasizes what is lost when we don’t. “New ideas emerge from in-person meetings. Email conversations, no matter how efficient, trend toward the transactional... And they miss what the voice and the body communicate” (264). We have an illusion of efficiency in our work-life. And in politics or social causes, we can fool ourselves into believing we’ve done something important when we hit “like” on social media. But, as Turkle explains, if you want to “take on political authority…you need ties of deeper trust, deeper history… you will need to reach consensus, set goals, think strategically” (297-8). All of these things take time, risk, and conversation. None of which can be accomplished through shallow “likes” and “dislikes” in our digital spaces.
Ministry Implications
The remedy that Turkle continues to come back to is space for self-reflection, authentic face-to-face conversation, and the will to think critically about how we engage with technology. All of this has significant implications for ministry. As followers of Christ, we can fully affirm these solutions, as they honor the God-given dignity of humanity made in His image. And we can affirm the value she places on relationships and wise engagement with the world.
One implication for ministry is to create the kind of space, and spaces, that Turkle longs for to promote real conversation. She even refers to them as “sacred” spaces (44). These often happen around meals or when people are called together for meetings. We can create a culture and rhythm so that these spaces are “device-free.” We can encourage and model eye contact and empathy. We can push people toward engaging in fruitful conflict and seeking forgiveness, instead of being satisfied with “I’m sorry, hit send.” We can also create device-free spaces for solitude. It’s incumbent upon those of us who know the value of silence and solitude as a spiritual discipline to help those we shepherd see the value and set apart time and space for this kind of reflection. In this fast-paced, always-connected age, it is nearly impossible for even the most devout to do so without help and encouragement.
Another thing to pay attention to as ministers of the gospel is the cry of the heart that people attempt to push down and hide in an “always connected” world. Turkle shares about a Vice President of Fortune 500 Company who asked for three hours of uninterrupted time and then in reflecting on it said, “I felt so anxious...I felt that no one cared about me, loved me.” Turkle explains that the core longing expressed in our need to be connected is to know that “We are on someone’s radar” (68). This is incredibly significant for us to help people see in their own lives. We can encourage those who don’t know Christ to move toward this kind of self-awareness and help them find all their longings met in the One who loves them and always has them on His mind.
We can also help people embrace their own humanity as well as others’. We can help people appreciate what it means to be human - to be limited and embodied. These are good things and the way we were created. But all too often we attempt to artificially transcend our boundaries of geography, space, and time through technology in ways that are harmful. By lifting up the creational norm of our humanity we can value the need to “unplug” and “turn off.” We can encourage wise and responsible use of technology, without insisting that it is all bad. “We can design technology that demands that we use it with greater intention… As consumers of social media, our goal should be to partner with an industry that commits to our using their products, of course, but also to our health and emotional well-being” (44). We should encourage Christians in technology to invent, create, and design products that promote human flourishing.
Through intentional examination of each of these “conversations”, we can evaluate the impact of technology on all of our relationships. The research is disturbing, but the negative impact of technology can be undone if we will make space to reengage with one another face-to-face. Turkle continues to assert that her “argument is not anti-technology. It’s pro-conversation” (25). This is good news for those of us who work in vocational ministry or those who simply care about the flourishing of people, relationships, and culture. By God’s grace, we can be among those who embrace self-reflection, value embodied interaction, hear the cries of those searching for love, and teach the wise use of technology in order to “reclaim conversation” in our digital age for the good of His people and the Glory of God.
Works Cited
Turkle, Sherry. Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in A Digital Age. New York: Penguin Press, 2015.